oh, hi! you know, i tweet now. it’s really the extent of my music writing, apart from facebook posts. if you always thought i needed an editor, brother …
longtime readers, bless your hearts, you must be sooooo tired of my lovelife.
but imagine how i feel.
n.b. please watch the video prior to reading.
i walk really, really fast.
recently, i was out w/ a rather tall friend who was marveled at how, in heeled boots, i rapidly negotiated crossings more ice than asphalt.
it is v. difficult to keep up w/ me. i watch people who walk slowly, whether by choice or infirmity, and i always can’t help but think how large the world must seem to them, how far off their destinations.
my ex-girlfriend is not tall, has short strides, and is always in heels. she did her best to keep up w/ me, but for reasons owing to more than just my inclination, i frequently found myself a few steps ahead of her. on rainy or cold nights, i would feel indignant about the unfair protraction of my night, hoping still that this mood would not spill over into my behavior.
before, there were happier walks, carefree strolls on warm brooklyn nights, accompanied by her dog. on such saunters, it felt like there was nothing but time, that time felicitously stretched out before us.
but there is an inevitable question about human relationships, one that has always riddled me. when time is up, what does one do w/ all of those good times? where does one keep them? how does one do it? several nights ago, she was going through text messages i sent about a year ago, during a journey repeated only weeks ago, w/ no attendant messages. they made her sad–me, too. tonight, i feel especially sad for those people, the sender, the receiver; in the present preserved by that message, our present, tonight, cannot be conceived of.
& though they’re often the victim of romantic foreshortening, what does one do w/ the bad times when they come to call? one naturally wouldn’t change the good times for the world; one can’t change the bad, not for all of the world.
happy times make one sad: sad times make one despair. & why? it’s this: i don’t long to have one more walk, at a slow tempo, w/o worry: there is nothing despairing about that which remains w/in the realm of possibility.
instead: when we were fastly in love, i wish, on a cold night, i would have taken my time & held you near.
i’m exhausted from trying to come up w/ conjugations on the latin for “vain.”
but i expect more will appear here. & soon.